We are the masters of our tongue till we speak and its captive once we have finished speaking, so choose your words carefully. “Be kind whenever possible and it is always possible”, says Dalai Lama. And my feeling is that, let it not be just random or manipulated act of kindness that people show nowadays, but a pledge of kindness in all possible ways; that is in words, act and thought.

Words bruise and the bruises do not even show up until it is late. But the person who is the owner of those words, so harsh, would not even realize the backlash it would be having on the person who is at the receiving end. Words are like an arrow aimed and launched. Once it has been freed from the confines of the tongue, however much you try it does not ever come back. So more care has to be taken while speaking. The tone of the voice, the underlying threat, the desperation to make some one feel small and insignificant are common tools to show supremacy. It becomes a game you have perfected. Till you meet some one who is better at it. Is that what we want to feel. Feelings are important. Feelings are what you give back. Like Princess Diana said ” carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge, that someone someday will do the same for you”.

One of my favorite Principal I worked under, in St. Joseph’s Boys’ High School, Fr. Sunil, in one of his talks to a erudite audience, had beautifully said that ” people remember how you make them feel”. These words and many more have stayed firmly in my mind. How apt can that be! We may forget the lessons taught in class, we may forget the marks we got (I definitely do not remember any of my marks even though they were really good) but I do remember who all were kind to me or spoke to me well. I remember who all motivated me and helped me out of any trouble. I remember all those who just gave me a patient listening. I remember all those who did not make me feel small and insignificant. I remember all who were not superficial and manipulative and showed genuine care. I remember all those who trusted my dreams and knew that even if I fail I shall achieve them one day and even if I did not, they would still be willing to clap for me. I remember them, I sure do! Especially if you are a teacher, one should be that little bit more careful in choosing words. Words can harm beyond repair. Words can mar destinies or can make one.

We repeatedly seek out people who can give us that feeling of understanding. In this highly opulent world of social media we currently inhabit, where the main goal of the day may be planning the next selfie, or the next status update, or outshining others in exhibitionisms, life looses its meaning. I know that social media is all pervading, but that should not be your only connection with humans! I also know that many really important people use these apps infrequently and carefully. We cannot manage to live a life by the standards set by an app. Or is it the other way round…my previous blog- ‘Not Instagram worthy’ spars on this content.

Due to the compelling and desperate need to be in midst of social media action and the fear of missing out (FOMO), we choose to forget that we are supposed to actually connect with each other. Connections can happen and can become permanent, if we choose to speak wisely. Not all people will like to share their feelings with you and it cannot be forced. Such connections can never be forced. When we speak , even if it a reprimand, we can get the message across in a more suitable way. How we speak, where we speak and what we speak are the boundaries we have to decide for ourselves. If this is clear to us then most of the unnecessary complications will vanish.

Can we try to make a change in ourselves by choosing words with care? Try at least and then make it a habit? Be the first one to apologize? Leave egos aside while conversing?

Mother Teresa said: “Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier”. Can we try at least?

Birthdays are a reminder, perchance a grim reminder that we are having lesser time to make a change. Rather, make a change in oneself . This year too, the month of November brought in my birthday. And I wanted to change a few things in the celebration. I was never a birthday cake person. All the refined flour, sugar and colors was never in my attraction wavelength. I was not getting any thinner! Saving money both ways, worked just fine for us. Also blowing out candles was not even remotely me. Arjun did not demand any cake, so it was better for us. Pravin as you know has only sweet tooth/s, but he held himself back, luckily for me! I did not spend any time on buying new clothes, as I did not feel any reason to. Two years of Covid had got my senses knocked back in place. I had bought several new clothes which just sat in my cupboard, whilst I lounged in tracks during the multiple lockdowns. Life was still happy. A lesson was learnt hard way, but still learnt. Now two things were out of the bag this year, one was the cake and the other clothes, I then thought of just having the three of us going out for lunch. Taking me out for dinner is a waste as none of us eat much at night. Lunch was a better bet! But my birthday was on a Saturday, and Arjun had college. Suddenly, he decided to stay back that day. Pravin and myself were pleased that he would be with us for lunch.

Arjun had made reservations at ‘HOPSHOUSE’, an excellent eatery/ microbrewery on Whitefield road, closer to home. So on a cold, rainy afternoon we all had some amazing soul food and enjoyed each others company. Returning back home, I decided to spend sometime with myself, reflecting back on my life. With the boys doing their own thing, I curled in my bed room sofa with a blanket and just spent some time in peaceful refection. I have no doubt in my mind that I have made several mistakes in my life and I still do, I decided to forgive myself. Getting in touch with my inner self helped me to seek more peace. It had calmed me, knowing that I will be there for myself, here and beyond. The silence that enveloped me at that time was telling me in some way that it is welcoming me in its warm folds. The unnecessary chatter, the desperate need to talk over some one, the urgency to be correct always, the fear of not being a part of the rat race, or the fear of losing out are just so fickle and fleeting junctures that deserve the least of our time. We ultimately will only need to be happy. So why not be connected with ones inner self to reach that ultimate goal? I was happy that I could make a better choice on how to celebrate my birthday. Funnily, a few could not understand the need for me to detach form such meaningless forms of festivities.

Getting birthday greetings and calls does make you happy. But I missed my parents and in laws who would have remembered the day and celebrated in more spiritual way. However being a mother, I have to pass on that legacy onwards. Arjun’s birthday is celebrated with a small offering to God even now. Rest of the celebration depends on him. But I am sure he will also reach a point when he will search for his inner happiness and stop looking at instant or momentary gratifications.

I did not understand my urgency to detach from things around me for a really long time, but now I do. Following my inner core has given me more happiness and is giving me the balance of negating the wrong and accepting the right energies. It is helping me negotiate the ways around better. I have been better abled to handle people. And now I don’t just forgive but forget as well.

Now I just crave for a positive, thought provoking and healthy conversations with like minded people. I keep a healthy distance from falsity and superficiality. I have no idea who these ‘online influencers’ are, as the only influence that is worth having is to connect with nature.

One hobby that brings me much peace is writing. I have slowly yet steadily developed a profound love for writing and will decidedly be looking more in that direction. Any thing that keeps me peaceful and occupied is welcome. And as I move towards the next lap of my life here, I will be treading with steps that are more energized, more buoyant and more confident, as I leave behind the younger version of me with much love.

Travel is an elixir, a tantalizing proposal and a ticket to freedom. The post Covid era has unleashed travelers all over, in frenzied hurry, to visit some one/ someplace/ somewhere. We are lucky to be back in backpack action (pun intended). The anticipation of untold mysteries, the feel of fresh air whipping up your locks, the smell of flowers in the air, a language different from your own, the unhurried pace and life devoid of alarm clocks are dreams we all have. Reminds me of the beautiful song by Cliff Richards which goes like this….

‘We’re all going on a summer holiday, no more worries for a week or two. We’re going where the sun shines brightly…we’re going where the sea is blue…

The word ‘travel’ may have originated from the the ancient French word ‘travail’ meaning ‘work’, laborious journey’, ‘ strife’. Like the travel of the pilgrims or the discoverers in search of new land, travel was always allied with arduous, obstacle filled path. Looking at these words, I ponder on the irony as to how people predominantly equate ‘travel’ with ‘no work / pleasure’ nowadays! However, it all depends why and where you are travelling to. People do travel to locations which are filled with strife, yet that journey liberates. People travel to unknown destinations for unravelling mysteries, that journey liberates. Many travel to meet near and dear ones and find peace. That journey also liberates. Presently, a few primary reasons why people travel to places are for the purpose of recreation, rejuvenation and relaxation, I am told.

We were going to travel too….To Goa… with 65 students.. and 6 teachers, which includes yours truly! If you look at these numbers you might wonder how it went? Was it fun? Did we have fun? Yes we all did. When you travel with friends who understand you; then we all share exhilarating, unique and liberating experiences worth remembering. We learn a lot from our travels. Travel teaches you primarily to be empathetic.

In this trip from Greenwood High were my colleagues Kavita Duggar, Namrata Bhamra, Cynthia War, Umesh Coorg and Sharath. Kavita is a very caring person and has everyone’s happiness in mind. Willing to go that extra mile to get the best for each student and others on the trip. Sharath, Cynthia and Namrata are the three younger ‘uns in our team. Full of energy and ready to rock they were the adrenaline jabs in our team. They just integrated seamlessly within the team in their own unique way. Umesh was the calm but authoritative presence amongst us. Ready with advise if required, he is a keen observer and has incredible listening skills. We were an integrated team. Our thoughts and actions were in homogeneity with each other. Decision making and implementing was not difficult. I say this because it is not easy to travel with 65 absolutely fun loving teenagers!

The students who travelled with us were a rare breed too. Very mature and self sufficient they had imbibed the discipline imposed on them very well. They had learned values imparted in classes by their teachers. They had absorbed more than just subject content. The values that separate men and women from a crowd. These values of empathy, camaraderie, respect and self discipline are life skills which will take them a long way to live their lives to the fullest. These are the lessons they will remember more than the textbook. The fun and laughter, the songs and the silence, the teasing and the trivialities, the spirited dancing and the wearied slumber will forever be etched on the minds of these young students. They will remember a wonderful journey with fondness in years to come.

For us teachers, it was peace time. We soaked in the positive energy while going about our duties. It did not feel overwhelming, not one bit! Like I already said, if your travel partners are your extensions we just love the experience of the journey together. All this takes meticulous planning of several weeks. The success of the journey is partly in the planning and partly in the choice of companions. I was blessed to get both right! Best planning friends and friends who are best planners!

Like they say ‘it does not matter where you are going but who you have besides you” I seem to have checked both boxes right!

The mind is set in its method, having endured much through the life’s journey; has heard ample of justifications for the wrong doings. It has been fooled into believing in causes you don’t really stand by. Listened to falsities. Been up close to pretense and met deception as a friends face. Now you are done with all around you and are ready to turn your mind into a fire ball. ‘Fireball’ is a word as explained by the thesaurus, meaning a ball of fire. Obviously! However it has historical relevance; meaning a ball filled with explosives hurtled at an enemy or enemy fortifications. For a person it means a highly energetic and indefatigable person. Such a person who is highly energetic is seen once in a blue moon I am given to understand.

I thought myself to be highly energetic, charged up and motivated. Till I realized that there are two totally different zones I am mixing up together. Physical and mental/emotional. I may have the energy to get up early in the morning to do my chores, cook breakfast and lunch. Still energetic to pack them up all in different boxes, get my bath done, dress up and walk till the pick up point. Still energetic to wish my colleagues a cheery good morning. Give lectures after lectures and enjoy them. Have a quick lunch, sort out discipline issues and still be physically active, brimming with energy. Get back home and the preparation for dinner, bath and prayers followed by paper work on the laptop or entertain guests who have dropped by… routine happens. Till the end of the day still on my feet. Energetic? Physically? Of course yes. But mentally/ emotionally? Maybe not.

I was taking up too much, saying yes to many things and having no time for myself. I was not enjoying my own space, doing my own stuff. Then my exhausted mind would revolt against itself. Causing hurt to myself was the result of this fireball I had created within me. Causing myself to get irritated at just about everything, looking at mistakes as blunders, wanting perfection from everyone. Seeking help was out of the question as I thought I was active and so healthy, not realizing that it was my mind that needed help. I needed to slow down. Take things less seriously.

I have changed paths, evolved my career when ever I wanted to better myself. And in this process I was most happy went surrounded by work. At my age I feel that the ‘perfection’ philosophy doesn’t serve me good anymore. I need to do fewer things and enjoy doing them well. I want to have realistic goals and work towards them. There is an urgent need to remove the word ‘ workaholic’ from my life and try to not bite more than I can chew. So, you guessed it I knew that I was in urgent need of help. But who could help me understand that what I already knew; but was evasive of believing? My son told me that I needed help and that rang the alarm bells. I called out to a person who I knew would answer my questions and tell me without mincing words that I needed to take that ‘chill pill’.

This is what I did, I joined a group which has at its helm a well known counselor. Having a background of the armed forces does make him more appealing apart from the fact that his words makes sense. He just tells you, fires you with the most hurtful truths and that to at point blank range. It shocks you that you have so much about yourself that needs to change. The anxiety, over protectiveness, hovering over your domain, that feeling of being the nucleus of all that orbits you was not even required! All that majestic thoughts of ones own importance gone with a few paragraphs of truths! His words carve out all the garbage inside of your thinking machine, slowly but steadily removing them piece by piece, week by week. Two weeks down, a little of my own mind trash has been scraped out. I feel relived but only slightly, probably I need to work some more on myself. And I have a long way to go towards reclaiming myself from what I have let myself come. Healing cannot happen till you allow yourself to be healed. I am keening looking forward to reaching that point to change myself once again. And again I shall rise like the phoenix from yesteryears ashes.

Climate prediction is not easy besides being capricious. When the forecast conveys rains for the next few days, our conjecture is the same. However, we see bright sunshine and fluffy white clouds sailing in the sky! Oh! such uncertainty. When the dry spell is expected to persist, by afternoon the humidity is making a mockery of all prognostications and we see the dark clouds pregnant with moisture, waiting to unleash with happiness. We see them thundering and forbidding sometimes. They coming over with vehemence and lo behold you are stuck at home, or work or in Bengaluru in the middle of a traffic jam with the sky opening up with its blessings! A typical day in Bengaluru, will annihilate all predictions anyway, as we see all seasons in a single day! The early morning is winter here, soon the warm sun shows us that the beautiful spring is in; and we see flowers swaying in the gentle breeze. The spring is followed by the sharp summer heat by early noon. This melts to a mid afternoon rains which may continue till evening and in the intermittent hours between the rains we can feel autumn knocking at us. The nights are cold and blankets are out in the month of May. Woe-betide! Such fair weather weather ( pun intended).

One such recent evening I was waiting for the rain to stop to go to the market to make a few purchases. My son Arjun, was with me. A short walking distance was not possible due to the sudden rain. As we were waiting, we saw a car come up on the drive way and the windows rolled down for me to see Soumak Dey. He lives in the same gated community. Soumak asked me where we were going and I responded ” to the Hyper market.”. Then Soumak said that he was going to pick up his family from a shop as they were caught in the rain. He asked me if he could drop us. I said ” No, as you are going in the opposite direction. Don’t worry, we will walk as soon as it stops raining”. Soumak drove away. After a few minutes I get a call and I fumble with my messenger bag, my umbrella, my spectacle case and myself. No easy to manage all this at my age! It was Soumak’ s call asking me where we were. I responded ” Same place”. Then he told us to just stay there and that he is coming to pick us up! I was surprised and happy. During the short drive he said that he did not know that the Grand market was also called as Hyper market. He had gone all the way and realized that and then drove back to pick us up! He need not have done that, need not be kind, need not have any need to help and I would not even have known. Life would have been the same. But his conscious thought, his humanity changed a small place in my heart as many others have in my life. Such people will be there for you at all situations. They are my ‘all weather friends’. This blog is for all weather friends who have been a part of my existence and showed me in some ways that they are touched by God.

I have also observed that there are people may be family or friends, who expect us to be perfect when they themselves are not. And that causes a pressure cooker situation in lives. They won’t inform you about anything. They won’t call, nor bother about it till they meet you or you have fallen into the trap of being a perfection of obedience in others eyes and you make that call to them. Then you hear on the other side that they were just planning to call you/ how nice you are to call them/ was waiting to finish something before calling etc.. Oh! we will think, why are we so jobless, that we are free to call people who don’t even need any information about our wellbeing? I have myself no idea why I am falling into the trap of being eternally good for others. I have seen few people have no expectations from their own children but expect much obedience and pre determined responses by me. Here I meant response as liked by others. Under these situations I call Arijit Ghosh. My college friend. He is an unperturbable listener. His advice will not be biased and he has long experience in listening to me ….Ha ha! It works wonders if you have such a friend who has grown with you, seen your life, has seen your career path, has seen the trials and and is still connected with your life. I am sure you all have such an old friend in your life, and if you don’t….well you missed something. This blog is an ode to such all weather friends too.

A few friends who you may have will not be there mostly due to their work/ travel or family issues, but when you do meet up it is like the same ‘ol buddy. You connect with same enthusiasm. You forgive each other for not connecting and forgetting to share a part of their lives. You see them grow older with you and that you are reassured that you are not the only one growing up!! I have such friends too. They know I love to cook and they they love to eat the dishes I cook. They come over to join us for lunch and not forget to bring in “mitha paan”(sweet paan/betel) because we love to chew mitha paan, nevermind that my husband Pravin bought paan for me too ( he is the permanent friend in guise of a husband by now). They come for lunch but stay till after dinner or maybe stay over. They have the right to tell me that I was wrong or have an outburst of anger if I was wronged by some one! Then the expletives I hear against my wrong doer cannot be written in this blog!! That kind of friends are fun. You call them, they receive your call to speak without pause of all “terrible things” befalling them at work place or family… and you forget why you called them in the first place. You may not even know the people in the storyline but you empathize with the friend. Rita and Umashankar ( called Jijaji by me) are one such very affectionate friends. This blog is for such fair hearted friends too.

A few who have become just like our family and we see an immediate family connection. Familiarity even though you know them for just less than a year maybe, but the connection seems to be longer…. Possibly past life connection. Bose Nair, who I just love calling Bose Etta (Etta= older brother in Malayalam) is not the one I call everyday, but I know that when I call him, I will be heard and I will be advised. Bose Etan will understand the situation, decision or problem I have had or taken and will affirm it or suggest something to better it. I am honored that he allowed me to call him Etan. You will also have such friends who are more like family I am sure.

Research has proved that soul mates can be more than one. They come as family or friends in our lives. In fact they will be a part of your lives and will try reaching out to you. We need to recognize them. Then the decision to see them again and have them as a part of your life is your choice. We are destined to meet and the rest is left to our choices. Nothing happens without a reason and if the reason is happiness, the nothing else can make you satisfied. This blog is for all our all weather friends who stood by us and always will.

I have been deeply influenced by spirituality/ past life regressions/ after life and philosophy. You may have seen the influence in my earlier blogs. Reading these books will help us know about what miracle we ourselves are. I have been heavily influenced by them and I seen my life unfolding, my queries answered in a beautiful and profound way. I am sure you will too.

Recently, I have become much more interested in past life regression/ souls journey and such topics. I was inclined towards them earlier too, but getting in touch with my school mates, Mohit Shenoy and Lata Hariharan and chatting with them on varied topics such as self realization and self motivation etc. has helped me understand myself better. People who know me since years have commented on my detachment from people, situations, etc.. I never remember any important dates. I forget birthdays, anniversaries and more. I was thinking I am at fault, or something is surely wrong with me! But at the same time have had people who have accepted me as I am (I am eternally grateful to you all). Anyway that observation of my detachment surprised me. I realized that they are correct. I am majorly detached form many things, and I brought this up with my friends. Lata told me that detachment is what people crave for. That got me really interested. I bought the books by Dr. Brian Weiss and Dr. Michael Newton suggested by Lata and Mohit. It opened up a whole new meaning of life for me.

Time, an expression of change, brings with it conspicuous understanding. If I just give a book a cursory read, I would not be absorbing the deep values and matter I am supposed to gain. I was taking a lot of time reading a few pages and was thinking very deeply about each an every paragraph the writers had put. Sometimes I cried as it was so true to either my life or someone I knew. ‘Karma’ that is it, we Indians know it and these books nudge you to be sincere in your dealings and clear all debts this life to begin life afresh. We are just a temporary host to an eternal soul. In this body, in which we exist in this life (which we have ourselves chosen), we will learn to complete the tasks we have ourselves decided to fulfill. Sounds deep. You can read these words again.

Now this means we can decide our destiny. Yes, as our soul progresses in its own path, it needs to gain experiences to make it complete. Pain, misery, mistakes, knowledge, happiness and joy are all a part of the souls journey. These books made me understand that if a person makes mistakes, it is because he has chosen to. If the person learns from his mistakes the soul is elevated and has completed one process of learning. Hurting others, maligning others and such vices do not help anyone. We need to make peace with everyone and let them go. Detachment can be practiced. Karma follows us and we can never shrug it off. If not in this life then in the next we need to make amends.

What is paramount here is to therefore recognize your faults, remove self- denial, stop eulogizing oneself, and acclimatize oneself to have courage and capacity to change. There cannot be different truths. There is only one truth. The way we see it may be a refection of what we desire. If we remove this desire then we are helping our souls path in reaching its final destination. in this body we think ourselves to be great, but are we all not insignificant with respect to the most powerful one? How can we then put others down to measure our greatness? We are here to sort out our past mistakes, may be make new mistakes too…that is a part of the journey to ultimately reach our spiritual home.

We can try to help others realize their faults but it is the individuals choice to change. Changes cannot be forced. If we do then one learning in this life is fulfilled, or several more births may be required to learn that! These books gave me valuable information to make myself a better person. To understand that death itself is not something I need to worry about anymore. It is the ultimate truth and a good one at that. This ‘travel log of soul study’ is a revelation. The case studies in these books have revealed greater knowledge in most simple way, revealed why we return to earth, revealed what one should do to overcome difficulties, revealed the realm of souls and how our actions today determines our choices tomorrow. These books gave me a sense of relief.

What will happen if we forget everything, just have no recollection of our present life? That is a definite possibility. What will we do if we have no recollection of what all we have done, or achieved. We will not know our family and friends from strangers. The money we have invested in building a home and its lavish décor will not even be our claim to be ours too. The multiple photographs in the ‘digital memory’ will be of no use. This brings me to say that :

A computer or a digital instrument is as good as it’s battery and a man is as good as his memory. Memories are as long as we can think coherently. We try to do so many things in life and we create so much goodness and happy memories; that we are happy to revisit them. But we also create grudge, sadness, jealousy and anger. This causes rift not just in our relationships but the type of memories we want to store. Very few would want to revisit such memories. If one makes a mistake or under the false weight of ego, cannot accept words of wisdom, advise or suggestions, then the memories he or she will create will be not worth revisiting. It is obvious therefore to each one of us that we need to create worthy memories if we can.

Our existence is proved by our recollections. And this is affirmed by our collection of memories in form of photographs, collectable items and trying to preserve every small items in our lives journey. Memories are not stored in one part of your brain. There are different regions storing specific data. For example your short-term working memory relies most heavily on the prefrontal cortex. The lunch we shared with our friends( an episodic memory) is stored in the hippocampus to be indexed and used later. Basal ganglia is totally responsible for remembering your moves when dancing, playing an instrument or using any thing associated with movements. A person suffering form Parkinson’s will have his movement restricted.

So why are we such terrible people to create a fuss. Arguing and trying to prove things without letting go? Repeatedly trying to prove a wrong point right just to achieve basal satisfaction is commonly seen. The news channels use this as an important qualification to come on screen. But is that qualification necessary? We can’t get enough of trying to prove that ‘I exist so I matter’ logic! Because we are not in possession of anything actually. Nothing is ours in this planet. We are just pretending ownership of what does not belong to us. How more self – absorbed can we become. We are here for a fleeting moment to learn from our past mistakes and then when our learning is done we move on. Our soul therefore travels and will travel till we have reached the zenith of learning and we have learnt to forgive and forget. That word forget therefore is very important. If we don’t forget we have to come back and learn to forget and to forgive the person. We pretend to know God but we do not see God in others. We are blinded by our own failings. We have come to this life for a reason. Let that reason be to learn. Learn with humility. Because when we are done with learning, we need to leave behind memories that people love to remember us by fondly.

At my age, which I can proudly proclaim is getting closer to that incredible hunk of a man Milind Soman (sigh), I understand that I have none of his freedom. I mean the choices here. He choose to flaunt his flock of gray hair along with that chiseled body even in his late 40’s. We all will reach that age. I pray that every one grows older happy. Anyway, at this age we are formidable and I see that constantly in my school whats-app group. We are still crazy and nice with few who are overflowing with spice. Never a dull moment with few self proclaimed rooks helping us to roll our eyes northwards. That is probably a good exercise at this age. The pandemic has reduced us to a lazy set. Any small exercise is welcome even if it is rolling the eyes. My routine walks are few and far between. And if I do go out, I meet many of my neighbors and friends in the gated community that I tend to chat more than walk! The single minded determination is taking its own sweet time to return to the times of BC (here Before Covid).

My laziness has reached epic proportions when I have not bothered touching up my silver/grey strands showing up on my head till the suddenness of its occurrence hits me. I flip and flop my long hair this way and that way thinking that now I need to buy colorants. I am not happy at all. That is extra work. My mother’s magic potion of henna- hibiscus- curry leaves- tea leaves – gooseberry paste hair pack had served me well, but now my hormones have turned it all over. I have to thank Shanaaz Hussian’s tips in Femina magazine, which I used to devour, to have helped me till now. But I have been noticing a lot of silver peek a boos recently.

I know my husband will be supportive if I don’t want to color my hair. So I brought it up to my college fellow but he was aghast with the very idea. I still have time to embrace my grays I am told politely by my son. I am thinking that graying is hereditary as your children give them to you! I am quite sure about that!

Soon I am thinking about giving myself some time. But again I see that Milind Soman had no problems to embrace gray, Gautam Kalra ( Sony TV commentator) looks amazing, Sameera Reddy has, George Clooney and many more. My husband has a full gray on too. He does not bother much of peoples opinion either.

I am biding time. Do I have choices? I am a public person and I am thinking how will that perception about me change ? My students have turned gray and I am getting few more shiny strand everyday. I have seen them all. Do I have the courage and am I just willing to let go. Will that be the easy step? I will definitely give my gray matter some respect. People say that it is great to age as many don’t get to enjoy that. People say that grays are wisdom highlights. But I beg to differ, age and wisdom are very disparate. Wrinkles… what about them my mind screams. I am not lucky there too. But I am happy with my wrinkles as they give my face an edge.

Let us get back to the more pressing problem..I really want to. TO DO OR NOT TO DO. Luckily more pressing chores at work or at home take my mind off this thought. We generally push things to one corner if they confuse so that when it becomes more pressing we can settle them. I am waiting for this situation to choose its right time to decide itself. I am sure you have had some such or similar predicament. You can relate to this.

Hence, its not necessary to understand to be understanding.

Can the hugely popular sitcom ‘Friends’ be made again? Of course, just that each one of the friends would be immersed in their own phones and rarely talk. One thing that I noticed when I was watching it again on Netfix was that, there were no mobile phones, so no one was looking into the handset in the episodes. They had enough time to talk, laugh, eat, share their day and be a part of each others lives. They actually shared their lives and we did, with our friends then.

Now when friends meet, the initial time is spent catching up on the news, chatting up for a minimum while and then it is back to peering into the phone as if we have done a sacrilege by not looking into it. We are neglecting something big and it is my own opinion that we are forgetting to live. We have almost bypassed face to face interaction. Internet has given us a lot, no doubt and information is at our fingertips. ‘Old gen’ has taken to whats-app as ducks to water; becoming a very “forward” generation (pun intended). The ‘new gen’ has ‘gram‘ and ‘snapchat‘ to hide themselves behind the quick to erase messages. How much more tension can a parent take when they have managed to search out the child’s password and log into snapchat…aka a detective.. to see the messages of crucial importance to nab the errant progeny to see those messages just disappear into the thin air! Poof! That is snapchat for the uninitiated. I have noticed people are going down for walks with their heads bent double over yes… the phone! No need to observe the clouds passing by, birds, the dogs running towards the master wagging their tails. No need to smile as the people pass you by. Then why come out? Most feel that there is no need of any interaction with real people but they claim to gain fame by having 4000 friends on FB! Isn’t that pure irony.

I am sure there is much peace at home if the inhabitants are in their corners with a flashing screen in front of them. No interaction.. no controversy… no issues and the day is over. I am very keen to make you think what would be the talks/ script like if Friends was made now. Would they have played the games…met at the Central Perk to have funny and sometimes important talks. Or find someone important around? Would they have time to barge into each others home? Make innumerable mistakes that is called life? Host parties where people mixed around and talked about themselves and felt flushed with happiness in being a part of each others lives.

Social media has allowed us to have larger social networks and has not killed our natural need to forge friendships. However, technology has changed the mechanism of maintaining friendships. Friends spend less time on face to face interactions but experience the same amount of time connecting. They pursue social updates and spend time discussing the same. Does that mean that a group of friends can appear on our TV screens doing the same and appear funny? I think the serial was a hit because of the humor lines, the goof ups, the idiosyncrasies of characters.

Has online social networking made boundaries in friendships difficult to mark. The online friends could be strangers, mere acquaintances or people who you actually know. And care should be taken while forging deeper friendships. The liberties allowed online could make it difficult for a person to make real friends offline. The chances are that if ‘Friends‘ was made today several such points would have to be taken into consideration along with the cyber laws and legalities of what was okay then but is no longer endorsed now. Several people have disclosed that there are many online friends they have never actually met nor spoken with. Would that be surprising to you? Such fake friends could be ruination. Could these be a part of the serial? Or what if the plan to go out for dinner is ruined because two of the friends prefer to play COD instead? Or all are down at the cafe and each immersed in the phone messages? Ah! is that capable of sustaining any laughs?

Looking at the much hyped reunion, I was set thinking around the myriad reasons why ‘Friends’ if made today would have much difficulty in retaining the fun filled episodes. May be because things have transposed in multitudinous ways. Connecting with my own class mates after 30 years has augmented the same feelings. We started talking ( I mean real talk not text here) and connected as if nothing has changed since we left each other, travelling away to claim our destinies. But did not realize that a friend will be there at the next turn, and we just need to look at the person in the eye and smile and we are transported to school days again. We have grown separately without growing apart. May be this blog is an ode to my classmates from school.

How felicitous like an unknown person said; “ A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are”.

I am on but not on ‘Instagram’. I do not even know if I should write that word with capital or small alphabet ‘I’ and I won’t bother to check with Google to see if I have to. However, I was told by the online word-check to make it capital. Such importance.. I fume !! I do not use it and check it maybe once in a year. I do not find anything engaging in the posts and I am not interested in celebrities home, families, romances, divorce’s, plastic surgeries, shopping sprees, pregnancy shoots or pretenses. But there is more gravity to this app I am sure. I may be wrong. But I found this app unappealing to my senses.

Now, I am back to blogging after a long break but was writing other stuff which took my time. A new job and new home and a husband back in station gave me no time to pursue something I would have wanted to. Setting up a new home is time consuming. Anyway, during that period I was walking down with my now ready -for- college son to see the landscaping done in our new home. He came out with me as wanted some pictures clicked. Obviously some bait will be there to do something. I readily agreed. I thought I was good at photography.

While walking down the grass lined path we reached a place where the guys play cricket and call that place “Lords”. I am sure you know why, with reference to the famed cricket grounds by the look. It was a beautiful evening here in Bangalore. It had just rained. My son gave me his phone and said that I have to frame my shots in a particular way for the picture to look amazing. I was not sure why I have to use his phone when I am comfortable with mine.

The dialogue was as such:

Me: ” I am more comfortable with my phone.”

Arjun ” But I want you to use mine.”

Me: ” Why so?”

Arjun: ” Because I need Insta worthy pictures!”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Arjun: ” They are different Amma. The appeal is different.”

Me: “OH!! You mean those filters in the Insta app. OK, I agree I do not use filters but that makes it more real na?”

Arjun: ” Real? who wants no filters anymore? It should look different and hmmmm it should look like an Instagram picture. You take from your phone and I will ask my friend later to click from my phone.”

Me: “Fine with me. So I shall send you the pictures I click………”

Arjun: ” Sure. But I shall use the ones taken from my phone.”

Me: ” Why add filters to the vision? Why add pretense? Why not just be real? Why come to a stage that appealing to others is more important .. appeal to yourself first. We have brought you up with clarity about what you are and stand for”” I ended.

Arjun: ” OK fine, now take pictures before it becomes dark.”

Me: ” As you wish.”

The pictures came out splendid. The setting sun wove its magic with the greenery around. By now I was thinking as to how Instagram has changed peoples perception about looks. I am obtuse or just confused about this trend or a generation where real mattered. I was looking at some research done about Instagram and found to my surprise that GenZ uses Insta to shop… ” social marketing” in short. Insta makes them socially acceptable. But it makes you develop anxiety, low self-esteem and may be the fear of missing out on things which are actually not worth it.

Trying to even the gap will not be easy and I am happy playing my role.

The photographs taken we started walking back. A few days later my son comes up and tells me that his picture in Insta got a great number of likes.. I asked so which picture you had uploaded and he said the one you took Amma.

I was suddenly “Insta worthy” phone photographer! My son was smart to make that choice and he understood something I am sure. Reality still mattered, the gap could be bridged.